We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
