the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
