I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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