There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
