My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
