talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
