They should really pass out barf bags in church
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
