The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
