giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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