I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
