Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
