Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
