her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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