i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
