you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
