isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
