maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
