It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
