Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
