he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
