I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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