i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
