he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
