I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
