Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
