I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
