Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
