Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
