There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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