I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
