I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
