I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
