yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
