plz talk dirty to me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
false alarm. still invincible.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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