nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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