if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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