So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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