I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
