One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
