So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
