Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
