How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
