I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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