he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
