K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sext me about skeletons
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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