Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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