Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
