I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
