Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
