I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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