Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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